Thursday, July 31, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Status Update
Its ironic how different things are right now and how they were just two months ago. Today I have what I had always wanted. I've got work ( if you ask tere paas kya hai...you know my answer) and I've got a temporary goal. Plus the possibility of going back to my professional home (yea..thats gvc. Not sure how things are over there though. Hope I feel the same connection). And now I keep wishing that, for at least a week, I go back to my pre-project state. As of today, I work without looking left or right, without wasting even a single passing moment and therefore do not have time to study and my social life is about as vibrant as a reclusive tibetan monk or a cloistered nun. I don't talk to my parents, siblings, relatives and friends. Well people, if by chance you are reading this, I suppose you can forgive me (if it was an issue).
So what am I cribbing about? (yup...I crib about everything. And if I don't, it means something is wrong). I spend so much time doing my work, preparing for CAT and in the bargain sacrificing the small (and only) pleasures of life, all in the hope that it will going to pay off. BUT I DON'T SEE IT HAPPENING. My performance at office has not been satisfactory. My scores in SIM CAT's are pathetic (yup..second time in a row did not clear the cutoffs). My attempts at playing in a band have just been shoved up my ass. And now I have so much work piled up on me but I'm still writing this stupid status update.
Its too much to take
Its too much to make
For another's sake
An image which is fake.
So what am I cribbing about? (yup...I crib about everything. And if I don't, it means something is wrong). I spend so much time doing my work, preparing for CAT and in the bargain sacrificing the small (and only) pleasures of life, all in the hope that it will going to pay off. BUT I DON'T SEE IT HAPPENING. My performance at office has not been satisfactory. My scores in SIM CAT's are pathetic (yup..second time in a row did not clear the cutoffs). My attempts at playing in a band have just been shoved up my ass. And now I have so much work piled up on me but I'm still writing this stupid status update.
Its too much to take
Its too much to make
For another's sake
An image which is fake.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Career Change
Dad broke the news of my selection into RIL last night. My first reaction was disbelief, then shock and then confusion. And I am still confused. I guess the decision to make a career change will always be difficult. The factors which are plaguing me are
- Why am I unhappy? Is it the job or the company or the location?
- Would I have been unhappy if I wasn't in Labs?
- Will I cope up with all the grime, dirt and noisy machinery which will accompany me for the rest of my life if I chose to accept the offer?
- What role does money play into my life?
- How strong is my long term ambition?
- Can I go back into hardcore engineering?
After putting my heart and soul into the preparation for CAT, I am beginning to wonder if this offer is worth taking. But, if I do get into this, my chances of getting into a very good college for an international MBA is very very high. Yet, I am unsure what to do. As always, I have to rely on God to help me with my extra unsure, turbulent and vascillating mental and emotional fabric. However the main source of my worry is the imminent loss of.....
Friday, June 6, 2008
I'll be back
I wish I could say that. But SAP Labs is like Hotel California : You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Mob Psychology
On my way back home through the treacherous stretch between whitefield and old madras road, our company bus driver (apparently drunk!!!) in a surge of road rage deliberately dashed a two wheeler who had refused to give way. What followed was something which I will not forget.
Neither the biker nor the bike incurred any damage(Thank God for that). The biker was not a very aggressive guy and so did not create much of a ruckus. However, the passers-by slowly started gathering around the place and the biker started telling them what had happened. That was reason enough to provoke them beyond reason and the first thing they did was to pull out the ignition wires so that the bus wouldn't start. Then they start telling the driver to come out of the bus, very clearly, with the intention to thrash him to pulp. The driver stayed put in his seat, telling them that the road was slippery and thats how the bus skidded and hit the guy ( like he expected anyone to believe it). This only added fuel to the fire and the mob which gathered opened the drivers door and started hitting him. At this point one brave guy in the bus went in to just appease them and tell them not to hit the driver( Considering that all of us were just mute spectators, that was really very gutsy.) The poor chap unfortunately got one punch from one of them and was warned not to interfere. Then one of the guys comes in and tells us all to get out because they were going to burn the bus. Fortunately for us and much more for the driver, the cops arrive ( I guess the huge traffic pile up was an indicator). It took two traffic policemen and one cheetah cop to disperse the mob and save the driver from being lynched.
Question time:
Had the cops not arrived, this would've got ugly. But would anyone be held responsible? Since nothing had happened to the biker or his bike, was the action about to be undertaken in proportion to the severity of the cause? Even (God forbid again) if something did happen to the motorist, should the mob have taken the law into its own hands?
One common argument the people in the mob give is that the criminal will not be brought to justice by the judicial system. Does that mean that in the process of donning the garb of the dispenser of justice, these mobs can break the law and get away ?The judicial system is unbiased in its laziness. And mob fury knows no reason and understands no language other than violence. That is why I opine that mobs ought to be dealt with the only language they understand : violence; directed right back at them by the law enforcement agencies. That is why I believe that demonstrations and agitations should be non violent and non cooperative and have character. Thats probably what Gandhi had in mind. In spite of the fact that I abhor violence, I do not see any other viable solution to tame the fury of a mob.
Neither the biker nor the bike incurred any damage(Thank God for that). The biker was not a very aggressive guy and so did not create much of a ruckus. However, the passers-by slowly started gathering around the place and the biker started telling them what had happened. That was reason enough to provoke them beyond reason and the first thing they did was to pull out the ignition wires so that the bus wouldn't start. Then they start telling the driver to come out of the bus, very clearly, with the intention to thrash him to pulp. The driver stayed put in his seat, telling them that the road was slippery and thats how the bus skidded and hit the guy ( like he expected anyone to believe it). This only added fuel to the fire and the mob which gathered opened the drivers door and started hitting him. At this point one brave guy in the bus went in to just appease them and tell them not to hit the driver( Considering that all of us were just mute spectators, that was really very gutsy.) The poor chap unfortunately got one punch from one of them and was warned not to interfere. Then one of the guys comes in and tells us all to get out because they were going to burn the bus. Fortunately for us and much more for the driver, the cops arrive ( I guess the huge traffic pile up was an indicator). It took two traffic policemen and one cheetah cop to disperse the mob and save the driver from being lynched.
Question time:
Had the cops not arrived, this would've got ugly. But would anyone be held responsible? Since nothing had happened to the biker or his bike, was the action about to be undertaken in proportion to the severity of the cause? Even (God forbid again) if something did happen to the motorist, should the mob have taken the law into its own hands?
One common argument the people in the mob give is that the criminal will not be brought to justice by the judicial system. Does that mean that in the process of donning the garb of the dispenser of justice, these mobs can break the law and get away ?The judicial system is unbiased in its laziness. And mob fury knows no reason and understands no language other than violence. That is why I opine that mobs ought to be dealt with the only language they understand : violence; directed right back at them by the law enforcement agencies. That is why I believe that demonstrations and agitations should be non violent and non cooperative and have character. Thats probably what Gandhi had in mind. In spite of the fact that I abhor violence, I do not see any other viable solution to tame the fury of a mob.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I'm in love
With bon iver's music. So much soul. I'm gonna write and compose my own songs. Indie folk is my new mantra.
Justin Vernon
Bon Iver singing "Flume" from his album "For Emma forever ago".
Lyrics: I am my mother's only one I
t's enough
I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
I am my mother on the wall,
with us all I move in water, shore to shore;
Nothing's more
Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns --
Reddish ruse
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
The lyrics are quite cryptic. But I presume he uses mother nature as an allegory to represent the security a foetus or a baby finds in the womb or the arms of a mother. All this while he feels that he is lost.
So simple. So sublime.
Lyrics: I am my mother's only one I
t's enough
I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
I am my mother on the wall,
with us all I move in water, shore to shore;
Nothing's more
Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns --
Reddish ruse
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
The lyrics are quite cryptic. But I presume he uses mother nature as an allegory to represent the security a foetus or a baby finds in the womb or the arms of a mother. All this while he feels that he is lost.
So simple. So sublime.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
CAT-woman
History is replete with articles indicating how difficult it is to win the affections of a woman. I'm going to add one more. Why do I think that cracking CAT is easier than cracking through that wall put up by women? Here are a few reasons
For women: I need to understand when a no means no and a no means "maybe if you try harder"... and there is no way for you to deduce it...you should just know when to stop, when to try harder or when not to try at all.
For CAT: No ambiguities.
For women: Need to be charming, witty, intelligent, have a good sense of humor, need to be tall (DAMN!!!!), need to be rich (not always, but it helps in many ways)
For CAT: You just need some common sense, which can be acquired with a little practice. You could crack it even if your sense of humour is as dry and shrivelled up as a dehydrated plum, even if your wit and charm merits the kind of attention cacophonyx gets for his singing. Intelligence....just a little but more importantly one needs some presence of mind.
For women: Need to remember dates, events, occurences which sometimes go back to the jurassic era. Many of them have no written record and thus left solely to their discretion on whether they're right or wrong, or whether they exist or not.
CAT: Need to remember what you studied in high school. That too only up until the exam gets over.
For women: The 'yes' or 'no ' seems to be pre determined. But you still have to go through the entire rigmarole before you let her know what you feel. Anything done before that simply disqualifies you.
For cat: Yes, you have to work hard. But the yes or no is not pre determined.
For Women: If a woman ( of your dreams) falls for you, man you're one lucky sonofabitch. I'm not lucky...and I find being lucky about as hard as growing tall or fat.
CAT: You don't have to be lucky to crack it.
So there you go. About the only common things needed are some intelligence and lots of hard work. But believe me, in case of women, its not as simple as it sounds. Lots of guys can vouch for that. And I find cracking CAT hard enough.
For women: I need to understand when a no means no and a no means "maybe if you try harder"... and there is no way for you to deduce it...you should just know when to stop, when to try harder or when not to try at all.
For CAT: No ambiguities.
For women: Need to be charming, witty, intelligent, have a good sense of humor, need to be tall (DAMN!!!!), need to be rich (not always, but it helps in many ways)
For CAT: You just need some common sense, which can be acquired with a little practice. You could crack it even if your sense of humour is as dry and shrivelled up as a dehydrated plum, even if your wit and charm merits the kind of attention cacophonyx gets for his singing. Intelligence....just a little but more importantly one needs some presence of mind.
For women: Need to remember dates, events, occurences which sometimes go back to the jurassic era. Many of them have no written record and thus left solely to their discretion on whether they're right or wrong, or whether they exist or not.
CAT: Need to remember what you studied in high school. That too only up until the exam gets over.
For women: The 'yes' or 'no ' seems to be pre determined. But you still have to go through the entire rigmarole before you let her know what you feel. Anything done before that simply disqualifies you.
For cat: Yes, you have to work hard. But the yes or no is not pre determined.
For Women: If a woman ( of your dreams) falls for you, man you're one lucky sonofabitch. I'm not lucky...and I find being lucky about as hard as growing tall or fat.
CAT: You don't have to be lucky to crack it.
So there you go. About the only common things needed are some intelligence and lots of hard work. But believe me, in case of women, its not as simple as it sounds. Lots of guys can vouch for that. And I find cracking CAT hard enough.
Devdas Johnny
Thats what I feel happened to Johnny. I never asked him why, with all his brilliance and with all the success he initally had, did he decide to remain unmarried and drown himself in slow poison. No one to talk to? Or no one to understand? I wish you could tell me now.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I am Hannibal Lecter
Thats what I thought while I was eating my masala dosa today. While tearing apart the dosa the potato bhaji appeared just as it would if you tear up the belly of a person. An I savoured the innards. Makes me sound yuck I know...
Wierd Dream
Uncle johnny expired years ago. However, one bright day, at the place where he was staying, I saw uncle johnny near the well. He was singing happily. All of a sudden, he falls into the well and I hear the glug glug sounds of a person drowning. I didn't go to save him because he was already dead years ago. Or should I have saved him?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Lost in the ocean
Dear me,
Preparation is not enough. I get the feeling that I have joined classes a tad too late. But I mustn't give up. Chodans success story is inspiring. I have to improve my memory. It mustn't fail me. Target is to quit cogni after CAT. No other option. Cannot afford to spend more time here. Quant speed is slow. English has to improve. Next week is the SIMCAT. Not expecting too much but I hope I get somewhere. I musn't give up. I have to make a new beginning. I feel left out of the race. Work at office is drab and is killing me mentally. So far all pagal guy's questions have either not been answered at all or answered wrongly. Need to go a long way. Its a battle for 15oo seats with 3 lakh people vying for it. I have to beat that google guy.
All the best
Preparation is not enough. I get the feeling that I have joined classes a tad too late. But I mustn't give up. Chodans success story is inspiring. I have to improve my memory. It mustn't fail me. Target is to quit cogni after CAT. No other option. Cannot afford to spend more time here. Quant speed is slow. English has to improve. Next week is the SIMCAT. Not expecting too much but I hope I get somewhere. I musn't give up. I have to make a new beginning. I feel left out of the race. Work at office is drab and is killing me mentally. So far all pagal guy's questions have either not been answered at all or answered wrongly. Need to go a long way. Its a battle for 15oo seats with 3 lakh people vying for it. I have to beat that google guy.
All the best
Saturday, May 3, 2008
A new beginning
Joined CAT classes today. Hoping to quit the company by the beginning of next year. Hope things come through. I've got a tempororary mission. I need a long term goal. Unfortunately I've also been put into this ESOA project which makes me do some kind of work. Happy that i have work. But deep down i feel i should've started cat preparation much earlier. Better late than never. Just hope I can quit the company after november.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Losing all sense and sanity
Reject number ?????........ cnumb says get a life. Starting today, my myspace account goes into limbo. its like taking away the little life that i have left.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Stuck to my seat
News:
Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
I happened to come across this in Amit Varma's Blog. My situation is not too different from that woman...I'm stuck to my seat in CTS and even though it would've benefitted me if I quit, I refused to do so. It took a great deal of convincing before I had realized this. But when the realization had dawned, I was stuck. I couldn't move even though I wanted to. Happenstance.
Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
I happened to come across this in Amit Varma's Blog. My situation is not too different from that woman...I'm stuck to my seat in CTS and even though it would've benefitted me if I quit, I refused to do so. It took a great deal of convincing before I had realized this. But when the realization had dawned, I was stuck. I couldn't move even though I wanted to. Happenstance.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Strange Love story
Sachin's bro got married a few days back and his was the love story which by all means will never get published as a mills and boons story. So heres the story:
Sachins brother had shifted to his new place along with his friends. His neighbour was a hottie and sachins bro somehow managed to get her aqauintance. This hottie stayed in the same building along with her friends. Now sachins brothers roomies started messaging all these mushy messages from his cellphone. Hottie reads these messages thinking that they are from bro and probably feels happy but is too shy to admit it. So hotties roomies start messaging bro other sentimental messages from her cell and bro reads this and is also happy. The best part is the love birds have no clue that their roomies are doing all the messaging. This goes on for a while and one thing lead to another and they ended up marrying each other.
Wait! It ain't over yet. At the time of the wedding, bro demands dowry. Hottie gives dowry and now they live happily. Sheesh!!!
Sachins brother had shifted to his new place along with his friends. His neighbour was a hottie and sachins bro somehow managed to get her aqauintance. This hottie stayed in the same building along with her friends. Now sachins brothers roomies started messaging all these mushy messages from his cellphone. Hottie reads these messages thinking that they are from bro and probably feels happy but is too shy to admit it. So hotties roomies start messaging bro other sentimental messages from her cell and bro reads this and is also happy. The best part is the love birds have no clue that their roomies are doing all the messaging. This goes on for a while and one thing lead to another and they ended up marrying each other.
Wait! It ain't over yet. At the time of the wedding, bro demands dowry. Hottie gives dowry and now they live happily. Sheesh!!!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Grandma's tryst with technology
Phone rings
Me: Hello?
Guy on the other side: Hallo, Kumaraswamy iddana?
Me: (with my super sophisticated kannada) Houdu, iddare. Yaaru mathanaduthiddare ( its a supreme combo of the present, past and future perfect and imperfect tenses)
Guy on the other side: Nimmajji!!!!
Disconnect.
Me: Hello?
Guy on the other side: Hallo, Kumaraswamy iddana?
Me: (with my super sophisticated kannada) Houdu, iddare. Yaaru mathanaduthiddare ( its a supreme combo of the present, past and future perfect and imperfect tenses)
Guy on the other side: Nimmajji!!!!
Disconnect.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The Thing about Romance
Romance or romanza was the first complete piece of classical music I had learnt in my decade long musical journey. And I fell in love with it the moment I first heard it, and it continues to evoke strong feelings everytime I play it. The beauty of this piece as with many other pieces of classical music is that if you vary the tempo and volume and even the pitch, you can manage to get a different feel, a different emotional reaction, for the same set of notes.
This is a marvellous rendition of romance. The feeling the first part (in minor) evokes is that of lonliness and sorrow. Probably the sorrow of losing a dear one.
Yet the second part of romance (which is played in E major) creates a picture of sunshine and a rainbow (at least thats what comes to my mind) signifying that the thunderstorms in life are over. Its time to move on and look at life with a fresh perspective, enjoying the colours and sounds of life.
This is an easy piece to play and lots of people do play it. But the way it is played makes all the difference. This is what would separate a true musician from an instrumentalist. Here is a peppy version of the same classic.
Sounds good no doubt. But the feeling conveyed is that of a traveller leaving home for something better. He is sad that he may be leaving home for good, but is hopeful that his decision is something for good.
So much for feelings. My next goal is the Turkish march. Its going to be tough
This is a marvellous rendition of romance. The feeling the first part (in minor) evokes is that of lonliness and sorrow. Probably the sorrow of losing a dear one.
Yet the second part of romance (which is played in E major) creates a picture of sunshine and a rainbow (at least thats what comes to my mind) signifying that the thunderstorms in life are over. Its time to move on and look at life with a fresh perspective, enjoying the colours and sounds of life.
This is an easy piece to play and lots of people do play it. But the way it is played makes all the difference. This is what would separate a true musician from an instrumentalist. Here is a peppy version of the same classic.
Sounds good no doubt. But the feeling conveyed is that of a traveller leaving home for something better. He is sad that he may be leaving home for good, but is hopeful that his decision is something for good.
So much for feelings. My next goal is the Turkish march. Its going to be tough
Monday, February 25, 2008
Life's Ironies
Lifes ironies, how they make you smile
In pain, joy or wonder.
Happiness is all we seek,
Sorrow is what we find.
People all around us
Yet lonliness troubling many
Water covering most of the globe
Yet people die from thirst
People killing themselves for wealth
And using it to keep themselves alive
These scenes are harrowing,
Some of them amusing
Some of them, divinely made
The others, not made by God
In pain, joy or wonder
Life's ironies, how they make you smile.
In pain, joy or wonder.
Happiness is all we seek,
Sorrow is what we find.
People all around us
Yet lonliness troubling many
Water covering most of the globe
Yet people die from thirst
People killing themselves for wealth
And using it to keep themselves alive
These scenes are harrowing,
Some of them amusing
Some of them, divinely made
The others, not made by God
In pain, joy or wonder
Life's ironies, how they make you smile.
Monday, January 7, 2008
being happy and sad
I'm happy for you.
You made me happy once.
T'was the sweetest thing
a person could have done.
You've found your happiness
And you deserve every single bit of it.
You made me happy once.
T'was the sweetest thing
a person could have done.
You've found your happiness
And you deserve every single bit of it.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
lost friend?
I pinged a certained someone today to ask them what their new year resolution was. The reply was " to kick you out of my life". I ask why and he says " you have a negative take on everything".
Well my friend, your observations were bang on target. But have you stopped to wonder why I was so negative? Was it only with you or was it with everyone else?
Though this new year started with a loss, and continues to do so, I've begun to gain valuable insights into the minds of different kinds of people.
I've been pessimistic in the past, my new year resolution is to be more positive.
Well my friend, your observations were bang on target. But have you stopped to wonder why I was so negative? Was it only with you or was it with everyone else?
Though this new year started with a loss, and continues to do so, I've begun to gain valuable insights into the minds of different kinds of people.
I've been pessimistic in the past, my new year resolution is to be more positive.
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